Last year (2011), me and my partner were expecting our first born child, unplanned and as much of a shock he was, we loved him from the very first moment we saw him. As months went by, every movement, every kick, every hiccup we felt, until our sudden bundle of joy had stopped wriggling.
I was 33.5 weeks , so not to long to go... I said to my partner "I'm a little worried, I want to just nip to hospital and have a check". Obviously he thought I was over reacting but non the less we went. We thought we would be in and out, we never in our wildest dreams imagined we would be staring at a screen whilst the nurse tells us our son has passed away. I had never felt pain like I had felt then.
6 months have only passed and it's still quite raw as you can imagine, I no longer feel pain, I feel lost, empty, like a part of me is missing. I think I will always feel like that. Our baby tobias is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me and his father, and he will never be forgotten. Just wish things were different.
I'm writing this because I'm not the first and certainly won't be the last person to experience this heart wrenching loss but if people were more aware they can keep an eye on their babies movements, listen to your midwife read the books and count the kicks, I was never given this advice or books or I may of found out sooner.