Wednesday, 18 January 2012

"This is the story of my beautiful Jack" by Gemma

This is the story of my beautiful Jack's birth.

Weds 12th Aug, 3 days overdue and I have my first sweep but I am closed and posterior so other than a small show nothing happens. The midwife says that they usually do sweeps every 2 days but because she is not my midwife and mine is not back from hols until Monday that I can wait until my next one, bit disappointed but except it.

Mon 17th Aug, 8 days overdue. I call my midwife to arrange for her to come and do my second sweep, she says as she has only just come back off holiday can I give her a while and she will call me back to arrange to come over. 12.30 - still no call, 2.30 still no call so I ring her and leave a message. 5.10pm she calls me and says she had been too busy so didn't make it (never mind that I waited in all day for her!) and she will come on weds to do the honours.

Tues 18th Aug, 9 days overdue. Still no signs of Jack so go for a long walk around Topsham with mum and then for tea and cake! Go home and have a hot chilli for tea to try and get things moving! About 7pm start having contractions, really strong but not very close together. When they start to feel unbearable I call the hospital and they tell me to have a hot bath, which I do, after about 15mins the contractions are too much to bear so get out of the bath and make our way to the hospital, picking up my best friend (birthing partner) on the way. Mum (other birthing partner) meets us there. We go into the examination room where we have to wait about 30mins to be seen as the midwife was coming in from home. Cope with contractions by being on all fours on the floor!!
Midwife arrives and says she is going to check babies heartbeat, the doppler does not seem to  be working so she goes to get another machine, still no heartbeat - I am now worried, she goes and gets a doctor and a scan machine, 15 excruciating minutes later the doctor turns to me and says just one word - sorry.
Who knew that one word could make your world fall apart and all your hopes and dreams fall away.
Me and DH are left to take in the news and then I am given a shot of morphine - from here thins get a little hazy. We were taken to a different room away from the delivery suites so I wouldn't have to hear other ladies giving birth. I am given oral morphine which I tell everyone is delicious and then promptly throw up!
I am then hooked up to self administered morphine and my dad arrives.
I labour through the night on morphine and gas and air. At about 6.30am I am ready to push so DH and Dad leave the room and an hour later at exactly 7.30am Jack Peter is stillborn weighing 6lb 9oz and measuring 52cm. He has a mop of black hair like his dad and is beautiful.
After having 2 stitches for grazes and being cleaned up, I spend some time with my baby. I stay another night in the hospital and leave on Thurs 20th with locks of hair and hand and footprints - no consolation; I should be leaving with my baby boy.

Friday 18th Sept was Jacks funeral, just a small blessing to say goodbye.

In terms of why this happened to Jack, they found some clots in the placenta and the umbilical cord but no indication as to why he died, I have no clotting disorders or anything. During my pregnancy with Milo (Jack’s little brother) I took a baby aspirin every day and was closely monitored, extra scans etc. Unfortunately I had an anterior placenta so his movements were muffled and I turned up at the hospital often for a quick check! I was also not allowed to go overdue and Milo arrived by C-section at 38 weeks, my little ray of sunshine!

We love you Jack, always xxxxx

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